Forty and Fabulous

While discussing the toll the aging process has taken on her skin:
Sister: "I mean, are you kidding me? I have so many lines and wrinkles now, I can't even walk into a Baja Fresh or a 7-11 without wearing dark glasses and some kind of a cape!"

Lets Just Call the Whole Thing Off

Overheard while talking with our mom about how easy it is to miscommunicate:
Sister: "I mean, you know how it is; 'you say tomato, I say fuck you."

Clenched and Proud

Amongst a small group of friends:
Me: "I don't mean to embarrass you, but remember that time you refused to go jogging because you didn't want anyone to see the way your thighs were jiggling?"

Sister: "Oh that doesn't embarrass me at all. I walk around with my butt cheeks clenched tighter than the Sheriff of Queer-Town.....(long reflective pause)...or maybe the Deputy...whoever is the catcher."

The Equalizer of Cool

"I had to disable my Facebook account. I was beginning to loathe many people that I know. I was logging in once a week and getting irate at the bragging, whining, farming, quizzing and hackneyed, trite commentary - the list goes on. I would comment on people's status updates and they would become upset - but I couldn't help myself - I had to inform them of their lameness, as though I had become the equalizer of cool.

I am cooler than most people - YEAH, I SAID IT - I realized that I am just too cool for Facebook and I simply don't have time to right all the wrongs in the world."